Note to self: ‘ It’s really true. That’s me with the bouquet of flowers in my hand in the Royal Mission newsletter. Full-time ministry. As if the year 2020 couldn’t get crazier and more uncertain.
At the beginning of this year, I could easily have suggested three reasons why this newsletter, right now, could be absolutely untrue:
1. I was in a good place at Solar Construct.
2. My slogan is: equipping people to be like Jesus in the middle of the world. If I preach this, I have to live it out myself.
3. Jesus did not enter the ministry until he was 30 years old. If Jesus needed to be molded to this age, why not me?
At the beginning of May, God began to speak in my heart and asked me the question: ‘Do you dare to let go of everything?’ It was the beginning of a deep healing process in my heart. God as surgeon. Loving but also very painful. The Holy Spirit is the sharpest therapist on earth. In conversation with the Helper I had no choice but to admit that I still believed in certain lies. Lies like: ‘I can still screw up with God’ and ‘I still have to earn his acceptance’ (which automatically suggests that you can also lose it). Lie after lie was broken down in the lap of the Father. My identity in Him strengthened.
When all hell breaks loose
When I thought I had had my share for the year, I became extremely ill shortly after I resigned. An inflammation of my balance organ. This intensive period revealed my greatest fear. Fear of death and worries about the future. Completely confused, questions arose such as: ‘am I really safe with you?’ and ‘Do you really have a plan for me?’
The dizziness in combination with a lot of vomiting was so intense that I had no choice but to let go of everything. And in that place of my greatest fear I found Jesus. I cannot describe in words how close I experienced God in those moments. God revealed himself as my protector. One thing has been branded in my heart through this period: God’s plan for me is certain. And while I believe this disease did not come from above; God turns everything for good when we place it in His hands. While we are usually concerned with the outcome, God is primarily interested in the process. Outside our comfort zone, all apparent certainties begin to shake to their foundations. It is precisely in that place of struggle, vulnerability and weakness that the greatest growth can take place.
A fixed plan
When Jesus said to his disciples, “get into the boat, we’re going to the other side,” nothing or no one could stop this outcome. The demonic storm that followed the lake suggested that all occupants would die. But what the evil one had not taken into account was the word of Jesus and His presence in the boat. Nothing could prevent this boat from reaching the other side because God’s plan was certain (Mark. 4:35-41).
My boat has reached the other side. Started working at Royal Mission as a speaker, teacher and relationship manager. What an honor! Seven years ago God planted a dream and a prophetic word in my heart and this week it was fulfilled. I can be a link in the spiritual revival that is coming. With our entire team we believe in a tidal wave of God’s glory that will flood the Netherlands and God wants to use all of us in that.
Get in the boat
This is how God’s plan for you is determined. However, the only way to find out is to get into the boat. On the journey to the other side, Jesus will work with you and evil will try to stop you. Several times I was confused and cried out to Jesus in the boat: “Then don’t go to the other side, Lord!” and “maybe I misheard you?” Precisely in that place where you can no longer do it yourself, growth, change and transformation takes place through God’s intervention. You meet God like never before and the fruit of this encounter is pure faith and fiery passion. As our heroine of faith Corrie ten Boom so beautifully said: “ The safest place is in the center of God’s will .”
Which path do you choose? The path of least resistance or the path of trial, struggle and uncertainty? Do you dare to step out of your comfort zone and into the boat?